Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize