Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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