North Korea, Best Korea!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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