Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize