After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize