she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
