whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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