Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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