I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
