My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
