I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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