Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
