; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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