God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
