Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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