There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In America we eat man semen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
