Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
