Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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