someone get that fucking seahorse.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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