are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
