So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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