Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
