party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
