its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
