i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
