Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
