just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
