onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
