I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
