Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
