You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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