why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
