I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize