it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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