Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
