Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
