I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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