every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
