so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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