god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
