Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I enjoy the company of your penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize