glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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