Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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