I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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