Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
