____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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