As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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