dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
