Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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