That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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