I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
