The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
