we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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