You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
