Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
