Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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