Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
