Can Purell be used as lube?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's always time for handjobs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
