the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
