my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
