The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
