Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
