Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
