those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
