omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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