i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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