He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
