Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
