Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
