Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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