You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
