I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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