You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
