Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
