Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
