i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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