I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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