Nicole vs. Life
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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