Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need a beard to bite.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
