Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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