I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
