This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
