Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
