I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
