You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
